An unfortunate series of events has brushed on an old mental scar of mine. With that, I think the situation has beautifully highlighted my personality type as well as revealed the power of self reflection as should be experienced in loneliness. First I intend to explain the situation as a vantage point for digressing into a dabble about my personality type which will somehow lead to a critique on contemporary consumer culture and capitalism. Yes, I am still on that rant and some people like let's say Marx and Fromm carved a life out of these subject matters. Not to mention the contemporary experts on consumerism who exist and write about the matter today. This is me verifying my right to vent in these terms.
Go! In my proactive actions to alleviate my immediate college debt, I sought employment. I have long put off this "necessity" of modern Western living in a protest against what I learned to be called exploitation. Before I had the words exploitation and commodity, I just decided I didn't like the idea of working. I think when people complain about their day jobs, they really mean to say they don't like the feelings of alienation and exploitation for the purpose of turning a dollar. So, I guess you are curious as to what I decided on for employment? I decided to be a part time custodian. This job would be fantastic if it wasn't for one minor detail. Getting up at 6am! When seeking counseling last year I made a note that sleepiness was the primary provoker of suicide ideations. So, I was preparing for a mental mind-storm to come as I embraced getting up super early to sweep and mop the stairs. This is not to mention the extra stress of needing to pay off a significant college debt.
Last year I wrote a beautiful article on the topic of suicide and its complications from a sociological perspective. Rethinking - Is Suicide Selfish? With my own habit of thinking this way as a direct result of the conflict between my faith and sexual orientation, I had formed a cognitive pattern which I discovered last year would be a life long battle. In reaction to this problem I sought solutions. One of them was to apply for a medical single (dorm room) which required communication with disability services and a doctor's note from the counselor I saw last year. This would allow me the space I needed to reflect and primarily sleep as a preventative strategy to reduce self-harm thoughts. As predicted, I was denied placement on the premise that I had never been formally diagnosed with depression and hadn't been on medication. Hmm, the reasoning for that is another book length topic. Personal ethnography anyone?